I Can Do What I Want


Why is it that we have to justify our “No”? Maybe it’s just me. But I doubt that. I have almost a compulsion when it comes to explaining why I won’t do something. Even to the point of fabricating a scenario to get out of something that I just don’t want to do.

“Hey do you want to come over to my house?”

“….well I have this family thing later so…thanks for the invite though!”

I use my family as my scape goat about 99.7% of the time. It’s the perfect get out of jail free card. What monster is going to berate you for spending time with your family? Family is a universally accepted excuse for literally any situation. And most of the time I am actually hanging out with my family. Sometimes I’m laying on my couch in the same sweats I have worn for two days straight about 56 episodes in on my box set of The Golden Girls. But that is neither here nor there. I can do what I want with my time because I am an adult. I earned this. Years of being a slave to my parents timelines and plans and the school systems agenda have granted me this power. I will abuse it as I see fit.

Growing up my mom worked for a musical theater company. I am barely exaggerating when I say that I have seen some theater production at least every week from the ages of 5-14. Which I was cool with, actually I loved it. I still love theater to this day. Heres what I didn’t love: My moms tyranny over my sleeping schedule. Let me explain, most of the shows were in the evening and ran “late” in the night. First you must understand that my mom insisted on putting me to bed at 6pm (which she will deny) when I was just a little tyke, and by little I mean until I was 11 or 12. I clearly remember crying one night when I was about 6 years old because it was still light out and I could hear the neighbor kids playing outside. I begged my mom to let me stay up to which she promptly walked over to my window to close the curtains which simultaneously killed a small pice of my hopes and dreams. I was left in a room full of sunlight to plot my revenge for this heinous act. So from the ripe age of infancy I was trained to sleep in the light of day.

If we were going to see a show that night my mom would insist that I take a nap. I understand this for a five year old, maybe even up to seven years old if you really want to push the limits. But for a 12 year old? My mother would still try to force me into naps at the age of twelve. Twelve years old. Girls are becoming women at 12 and my mom was trying to trick me into taking a nap so that I could stay awake for a “late” show. These shows were out at 8pm, not an egregiously late hour by anyones standards. But that did not stop my mom from employing her sneaky tactics. These tactics are somewhat of a mystery to scientists, they seem to think that they kick in right around the same time as the maternal instinct. As soon as a woman pushes a tiny human out she is filled with instincts that help her care for, love, nurture and manipulate her miniature human.

“Kylie come lay down with me”

“Wanna watch a movie in my room?”

“let’s just lay down for a few minutes and rest”

She was sneaky that one, but the truth is I couldn’t rest her bed. It was like a cloud from heaven and I am not one to pass up heavens amenities. So I would lay down and that was the beginning of the end. I’ve learned that I can fall asleep in any situation at any time of the day. I blame my mom. What kind of witchcraft can make a hyper 12 year old take a nap in the middle of the day? Maybe she was slipping benadryl into my drinks. Who really knows for sure, I wouldn’t put anything past her.

The first 18 years I had no real control of my life, I was a slave to my parents whim. But not anymore! I have grabbed life and taken control. I’ve strategical scheduled my naps and my bed time because I’m a grown up and thats what you do. If I don’t want to do something I don’t have to…because…science. Even though I could not see it through my childhood glasses that were blurred with tiger beat magazines and the frosting from toaster strudels that I would sneak my mom had the right idea. There is nothing more important than sleep. NOTHING. Now that she’s not tricking me into naps I’m willingly taking them where ever I can because I can.


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