Well trying to be…Ok probably not the type of engaged you’re thinking. I’m not about to get married. Deceiving huh? That little play on words really got ya for a second huh? Well don’t you worry, you are welcome to send me gifts as if I was getting married. Does that ease the sting of my context betrayal?
I am by no means an expert in anything, least of all commitment of any sort. It is hard for me to stick with something for a prolonged period of time. My life has consisted of short lived passions. I have gone through just about a million different hobbies, some lasting longer than others. I have gone through friends much faster than I would like. Most of the time I get bored and antsy with one thing and I decide it’s time for me to move on to something new. I like change, when I am the one choosing the change. I have always liked a bunch of different things, hobbies, places, people, careers. I have so many passions! This would be my dream “job description” (At least right now)
Wife/Mother/World Traveler/Writer/Old House Restorer/Farm owner/Business owner/Speaker/Encourager/Designer/Explorer/Good Food Eater/Comedian/Midwife/Teacher/Chef/People Lover
Thats a lot of things. But I love all of them. And I don’t want to choose just one or two. Some of them will change. Some of them won’t. I might accomplish some, some I already have and some I may never accomplish.
I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking that I need to pick one thing that I want to do forever. That I need to be really good at one thing. This led to a lot of discontent in my life. My mind and my heart were constantly battling. My mind telling me that I need to decide and commit to one of the many things I love. My heart constantly telling me to try and see. Only just this year (yes this 16 day old year) did I realize that I don’t have to be or pick one thing. It’s ok that I love a ton of different things, that is not a character flaw. It IS my character and it should celebrated not stifled.
I have decided that I am going to do things that I am passionate about. I’m tired of doing things (school,jobs, etc) with the hopes that one day I will be able to live a life that I love. I am not bashing school, careers and financial responsibility at all. I think financial responsibility is a necessity, and the others are specific to the person. What works for some (or even most) does not work for all. And it doesn’t have to! I’m tired of looking to the future for my “dream life”.
So what the heck does this have to do with being engaged? Well I’ve spent way too many years disengaged. Everything has always felt like a means to an end. I’ve been so concerned about the future that I neglect the present most of the time. I go through the motions so that I can close my eyes at the end of the day and be 24 hours closer to my future. I don’t want to be that way anymore. I don’t want to push down and hide any part of me, least of all my passions. I want to be a passionate person NOW not 10 years down the road when I can afford to be. I want to be emotionally present in every moment. I want to be engaged with people, places and hobbies. I want to be engaged with the life I have right now. I am doing my best to accomplish that daily.
There is nothing wrong with planning for your future. I am not saying sell all your belongings and live of the land (which I totally want to do. But it would look more like selling my stuff, buying an old VW van and driving around the country for a few months.) Actually I’m not saying anything to you, this is more of a reminder to myself. I’m in no position to dole out life advice because I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m saying that I want to prioritize the things I am passionate about. I want a job that I am passionate about and allows me to pursue my other passions. Passion, Passion, Passion, have I said that enough for you? Well passion is contagious, even if you don’t share someones passion there is something inspiring and motivational about it. So I am working on being engaged in every moment and truly pursuing my passions. When you are actively engaged in your passions you are your best you. I have lived in the mindset where that was a luxury and not a priority for too long.
This may not have made any sense to you and that’s ok. You may disagree with me and that’s ok too (I am going to ask you to keep your false opinions to yourself though). This is where I’m at, even if it took me to long to get here.
Today I choose to get engaged.