When I Look In The Mirror

I have to admit I have always loved looking at myself in the mirror. As soon as I was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car I would always pull down the visor mirror to make sure I could always see myself. It wasn’t because I was thought I was so beautiful that I needed to stare at myself, it was because I wanted to see what other people saw. I wanted to see myself in every angle at every time. It’s weird, or maybe it’s normal I don’t know but I did it. I was always aware of my looks because I was brown and my mom was white. As I got older my mirror gazing turned into self bashing sessions. I got to the point where all I could see in the mirror was flaws. Then something happened,  and it wasn’t overnight but after I got saved when I was 18 slowly I could feel myself not paying as much attention to my flaws. As I began to find out how God sees me I began to see myself the same way. Don’t get me wrong I still have moments, I am a woman and also human. But my perspective has shifted and I hope it never goes back. I think it also helps that my mom is the most confident woman I have ever known. Not an in your face confidence but you can see it in how she carries herself, it’s a quite and sure confidence that I admire. I think everyone struggles with this on some level and my hope is that you will see how God sees you and you will find freedom in that.

When I look in the mirror I see beauty, maybe not conventional or magazine worthy but beauty all the same. I see pieces of my mom, from my nose to my smile.  I can hear her in my voice and in my laugh. I see the sacrifices she made to make me who I am. I see warmth in my eyes like my Dad had and the compassion and mercy he showed me is now a part of me, permanently etched on my soul. I see the beginning of crows feet from many laughs and cherished memories. I see a body that has been broken and made fun of but still stands strong. I see hair that almost never does what I want it too. When I look in the mirror I try to see more that the image staring back at me, I look for the person, the life, the achievements, the trials that have made me who I am today. I see someone who has been forgiven and washed clean, someone who has been given a purpose and a destiny. When I look in the mirror I see someone who is loved, who is pursued daily, who is treasured and chosen. When I began to see THAT all of the little things, the 10 extra pounds, annoying breakouts, my slightly smaller left boob didn’t matter as much. I hope that I can always see who I am created to be because insecurity is a thief of happiness.

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